so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
