Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
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