Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
