i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
