He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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