I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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