bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
