The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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