do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
