He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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