We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
