my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
