Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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