mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize