Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
They have beer where we have blood.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
