he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Text me some of your sweat
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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