I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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