Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
