The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
