Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
there is glitter all over my balls
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
