Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
