you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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