I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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