omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
