Umm I'm too high to move.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
