Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
