i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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