I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
