yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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