If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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