Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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