Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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