Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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