we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Hippo gnu deer
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Every concussion has its silver lining
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
