I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
