They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
