i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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