i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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