I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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