Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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