You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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