I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Drake has all the answers
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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