he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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