I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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