sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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