No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
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