So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
