Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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