dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
