I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I just threw up on my dentist
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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