If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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