I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
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