Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
