my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
