Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
you will always have a special place in my vag
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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