I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
