Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
