i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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