I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
