how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
