I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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