Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
