you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Randomize
